How to Handle a Harsh Difficult Person with Calm Listening – Dr. Peebles

Here’s a transcript from the wonderful December 15th Dr. Peebles Speaks mp3.

You’re stepping into a greater truth now. You’re stepping into the classes of refinement here upon this planet Earth.
Consider yourself getting your doctorate in love.
Consider that you, my dear friends, are going into a deeper space of peace, love, and harmony within yourself.
You’re going to say, that is all that really matters.
And you say this almost as a mantra throughout your day when things get tough:
Love is all that really matters.
It really is all that is real in the universe.
And I’m going to express that no matter what, in every moment of every day. 

Somebody’s getting angry with you, and you just simply strive to acknowledge them.
But you don’t have to hang on their every word and get upset about it.
Instead just let the words flow over you like so much water off of a duck’s back.

And then, my dear friends, just put yourself in a place inside that says, “Oh you know something, this person just wants love. It has nothing to do with the words coming out of their mouth. Every word coming out of their mouth, we could really just simply interpret it as, “Oh, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me.”

And there they go, blathering on about whatever it might be, but really behind all of that is the energy of love.
They really are saying, “love me, love me, love me, love me.” 

And you say, “Well alright, can I do this? Let’s see. Let’s do it as an experiment,” as you’re letting their words wash over you like so much water off of a duck’s back.
And you say, “Alright, I’m just gonna sit here, I’m gonna listen to them with loving ears.”

It doesn’t mean you have to hang on to every word or even hear every word. You just listen as if a little story is being told to you about them.
“Once upon a time I wanted to be loved, so I got angry, very angry. And I started to yell at this person in front of me because I wanted them to love me and to hear me and to respect me and to honor me.”

And you just let them talk and talk and talk and talk.
And you just smile, and you look at them with the most loving gaze you possibly can.
And it has to come from a real place inside of your heart.

But you really realize that what they are saying means nothing in terms of who you are.
What you are doing in that moment is you’re just taking charge of yourself, saying, “I want to be the love in this world, in this moment here.”
You just keep doing this.
And all of a sudden you watch, my friends, as that energy dissipates what’s happening with this other person. 

They become so attracted to what’s happening inside of you, they’re not even aware of it.
The love within them responds to the love within you. 

Suddenly you will find that they will run out of words, and perhaps even say, “You know something, I don’t know what came out of my mouth, but you know something, the bottom line is, I just really love you. I just like being with you. And thank you so much for listening to me with all my blathering on about whatever it was I was blathering on about. Thank you so much for the love. Thank you for the attention.”

And that’s the part of the conversation that matters, you see. That’s where you come together in love.
That’s where you allow for the other perspectives in the universe and have loving allowance for all things to be, starting with yourself.
Loving allowance for the love inside of your heart to be.

That’s where we really would suggest you put your attention here.

– Dr. Peebles through Summer Bacon 12-15-21 Dr. Peebles Speaks 

***

Dr. Peebles’ words resonated with a memory from my past, a time when a doctor yelled at me in my workplace.
He and I had a difference of opinion about what was best for the patient. He was extremely angry that I had delayed the medication he’d ordered. (He was new to our unit and a bit touchy about how he was being received.)

In the moment when he was screaming into my face, I was thinking only about how glad I was that I had learned to meditate. I breathed into my belly and allowed him to blow his storm into my face. (This was a matter of my own self-care and survival. In the history of doctors raging at nurses, it was a new approach for me.)

I chose to not take it personally. I looked him in the eyes. I gave a slight nod occasionally. But mostly I focused on my breath.
(I cannot claim a heart connection. I was only holding my center and trying to avoid a headache.)

To my surprise, as he spewed his anger, it gradually slowed down.
His eyes grew softer and so did mine, I suppose.
He ran out of words (like Dr. Peebles says).

I was able to explain my opinion a little. He took my words in.
He calmly finished the conversation by saying something like, “okay, let me know how it goes,” indicating that we were partners in our practice instead of enemies.

To my bigger surprise, from that day forward, this doctor became a pal to me. He was extra friendly and respectful. He always wanted to sit at a computer near me in the unit, because he said I had a “calming” influence.
All this, just because I had listened to him without a fight, for three minutes that one day?
Yes.
All this, because he felt heard.
All this, because I held his gaze.
Friendship.

Years ago I heard a Peebles suggestion to handle a difficult person by staying in the room, looking at them and listening for a full 30 seconds. This is something I have tried, and it works (when I remember to do it – because it’s not easy to engage with a prickly person).

What has worked for you, under these conditions?
Please comment.

I must say, Peebles’ line about the violent person saying, “Oh, love me, love me, love me,” gave me a laugh. (It’s funnier when you hear his intonation on the recording.)

It’s so true. Every angry, tormented, destructive person really wants love.
It’s hard for us to remember that, and even harder to give them love, despite their cruelty.
But we can try acceptance, which is a first step. Acceptance can lead to friendship.

Get Dr. Peebles Speaks December 15th (from Summer Bacon – download mp3, only $10 for tons of inspiration and upliftment).

.

How to Relax and Enjoy Life even in These Troubled Times – Dr. Peebles
Embrace all your Yesterdays, Move On, and Dance with Life, says Dr. Peebles

Diane Stallings RN does distance healing, EFT tapping, and/or Biofield Tuning on the phone, energy healing sessions, Chakra Balancing, and health coaching. She gives you practical ways to lift your wellbeing. Make an appointment in Phoenix or Fountain Hills or on the phone anywhere.

Heart Connection by Alisa Looney in Puyallup

Thanks for this Heart Connection by Alisa Looney, posted on Flickr by nancydregan. 

About Diane Langlois Stallings

Diane Stallings RN, Reiki Master, Energy Healer, Healing Touch, Enneagram Coach, EFT tapping, Meditation Coach, Nutritionist, Integrative Health Coach www.joystream.net
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2 Responses to How to Handle a Harsh Difficult Person with Calm Listening – Dr. Peebles

  1. Hello Diane! Happy, Healthy New Year!

    I enjoy your posts so much!! ( and your posts when working with Summer Bacon and Dr Pebbles too).

    Your post sharing Dr Pebbles suggestions on handling difficult people as well as the one by Rose Carey ( who I was surprised ( and deLIGHTed !) to learn is my neighbor, living also in NH ) were the two most recent that finally prompted me to write and tell you how much joy and delight your written words bring me.

    Thank you so much for the joy, blessings and wisdom!

    Warm hugs across the miles, Pam Pamela Pendlebury

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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    • Dear Pam,
      You made my day, my week, my month!
      I’m SO happy to hear you are enjoying my posts.
      Sometimes I’m not sure anybody is out there reading them 😉 – and your sweet words inspire me to cook up more fun posts!
      I will keep you in mind as I write.
      Many Thanks for your kind comments.

      Big Gratitude to You –
      Diane

      Like

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