Romantic love has been a freaking confusion for me, I admit it.
Decades ago I thought the appropriate thing was to adore my partner.
I thought adoration equals love.
But who can hold up under that much adoration?
We’re only human, and we’re bound to fall.
I thought loving my partner meant feeding his ego, telling him he was great, loading him up with compliments. Yup, good approach, right? Praise and compliments are important.
On the other hand it was a little contrived.
Too much emotional caretaking is exhausting. I mean, if I try to deal with others’ emotions and take responsibility, try to shore them up, patch up their feelings?
That’s not for me to do.
That’s not my business.
It leaves me all strung out and teaches them to suck on my energy.
After decades now, I find that when I live my truth,
when I do what I love and love what I do,
I feel tons of freedom and tons of love.
I get in alignment with my own heart, and it feels delicious.
In being true to myself, I float straight into the love vibration.
Love naturally extends from me to everyone, to my partner, to all I see.
You’ve been there too, I’m sure.
When I’m loving my life, I’ve tapped into the source of love.
I’m standing in an ocean of love.
The place I get stuck is the old “people pleaser” habit.
My old recording says, “Sure Honey, whatever you want, burgers again.”
Or “I know this means a lot to you so I’ll go along” (even though I find it stifling).
Or “I’m fine,” when really I’m a wreck of dismay, anger or revenge.
Yeah. Darn it all. There’s that.
Of course compromises happen in partnership.
But even so, why do we squash ourselves just to be nice?
Why does it feel like such an act of bravery to tell it like it is, to say what I’m really feeling or what I really want?
Because indeed it is an act of courage.
Since childhood we’ve been trying to perform well, to show our good side, not our bad side.
We worry that the other person won’t like us.
We’re attached to their opinion, their judgment of us.
We withdraw, we fudge the truth, we clam up, we fake it a little, we perform well instead of revealing our truth in the moment.
You know the scenario – most of us do this.
It blocks real connection.
If both parties are wearing a mask, how will they ever truly see each other?
This is dreadfully dissatisfying.
This is slow starvation.
This is so human of us.
It is okay. Seeing it is the first step.
I hope to shift into accurate truth more often.
I hope to slow down enough to notice the instant I hide myself.
Notice the moment the mask pops up.
If we cultivate our true self and love our whole self, warts and all, then it’s easier and more natural to be truthful.
We can express our feelings in a kind way.
Simply our feelings – without opinions, defenses, or judgments.
Feelings are not right or wrong – they’re just energy.
I voice my feelings; you voice yours. We let their energy come and go.
This leads to real connection with others.
This leads to a feast of love.
I have seen a few people actually doing this. It blows my mind.
I am aiming for gentle bald honesty. Expressing my feelings with kindness and respect.
If you have any hints for me and for others, please share them.
We need it now more than ever.
Diane Stallings RN does energy healing and gives you practical ways to enhance your wellbeing. Make an appointment in Phoenix or Fountain Hills. Inquire about our weekly healing class, Tuesday evenings in Phoenix. Free meditation classes in Fountain Hills.
(Thanks to Max Pixel for this image.)