In this Valentine month how can we sweeten our relationships in ways that truly matter?
Relationship can be the most challenging thing on the planet.
It is not easy, especially for long-term relationships.
I have found my best help through the emotion-focused work of Dr. Sue Johnson and her book, Hold Me Tight.
Yet I’m always working on loosening up,
not taking things personally,
trying to allow me to be me, and my partner to be my partner.
Allowing is a super big deal.
The skill of good listening is essential.
Good listening conveys not only love but healing upon the speaker.
Good listening is balm for the soul.
Have you ever met a good listener?
The first true listener I met amazed me.
Has a true listener ever happened to you?
What was it like?
Some years ago I followed a suggestion to
just breathe and fully focus on listening for 30 seconds.
You can do that. It may grow longer. But even if you stay at the 30-second mark, your love will grow.
It actually worked.
My friend Bernadette Wesley teaches about “Circle Talk” for deep listening, compassion, and connection. Check her out.
She referred me to a wondrous TEDx talk on The Power of Listening
presented by Leon Berg, whose home page (Tools for Togetherness)
says, “Imagine a relationship that grows throughout time . . .”
That line itself warms my heart.
Berg emphasizes that real listening is vital for friends and partners – even more vital for enemies.
If we let go of our tight agenda,
if we hold our personal views a little loosely,
if we can allow and take in the other,
love becomes more possible than ever.
Currently I’m taking an online class, Intimacy Without Responsibility. It’s helping me become more aligned with allowing.
Some of my favorite encouragements from this class are:
I let go of thinking that I must take care of someone.
I permit myself to love others without taking responsibility for their happiness.
I will no longer take responsibility for your feelings.
I release any feelings of fear that I must do something to make a situation safe or comfortable.
You are accountable for you and I am accountable for me.
I feel gratitude now for all we have learned together.
I am committed to telling you my truth in a loving way.
I will not take responsibility for your reactions.
I will take responsibility for my reactions.
I am free to be real in our relationship.
I am willing to heal and transform my triggers.
I let go of needing to be right.
I truly honor that our perceptions are different.
How does all this work for you?
Any insights or hints you can share with us will be so appreciated.
This topic is my biggest personal challenge, I feel. 😉
Diane Stallings RN does health coaching, energy healing, and gives you practical ways to enhance your wellbeing. Make an appointment in Phoenix or Fountain Hills. Inquire about our weekly healing class, Tuesday evenings in Phoenix. Free meditation classes in Fountain Hills.
(Thanks to pixabay for this image.)